Last week, a clip of a Ugandan lady venting about issues pertaining to marriage, surfaced on X. While she touches on many areas where she feels parents have failed their children, she cites marrying off their daughters for “selfish reasons” some of which are economical.
Hilda says because parents have failed, “you want to ask for bride price too much for my husband-to-be to pay.”
She calls out parents for what she calls rigidity while reminding them “things have changed”. And her logic is the economics. Why not make conditions favourable for the young couple to save some money they will require to start life together, she wonders.
“Many of our girls have decided to go and get pregnant because their husbands [sic] cannot handle the cost of doing parties. You find you’re spending Shs 20m on kuhingira, you’re spending Shs 40m on the wedding…. I am stressing over decoration whose costs I haven’t even cleared, just so some people that have not even been part of my life can give a speech,” says Hilda.
The traumatizing experiences associated with such financial pains, she says, later plays out in how the husband treats the wife, perpetuating blame.
At a time when economic pressures in Uganda and many parts of the world have forced Millennials and Gen Zs to resent marriage, Hilda is not a lone voice. She represents a generation that is pro-marriage but more cautious, selective and delayed. They want marriage to provide companionship, emotional safety, teamwork and shared goals, rather than being only a social duty.
Online, her sentiments struck a chord. Many shared experiences of the sacrifices they had to endure just so their parents can bask in prestige. It is upon this same school of thought that President Yoweri Museveni based his recent comments while attending a traditional marriage ceremony, when he castigated parents for “selling” their children.
“You the Banyankole are really damaging the population. The parents asking for bride price, why are you selling children? Why? What is the problem? Sixteen cows, I don’t know how many cows! Why do you have to get wealth through children?” said the President.
He was a guest at a kuhingira ceremony of Kisha Isabel Byanjeru Kaboyo, daughter of the Minister of State for Luweero Triangle and Rwenzori Region, Alice Kaboyo, in Kiruhura district.
“I must say you are very wrong on the issue of bride price, because it makes your children to start marriage under difficult circumstances. They start in debt, while other young people even fear to marry,” he said.
Bride price has increasingly become a contentious issue in Uganda, contributing to the barriers that inhibit young men from getting into marriage. The custom is a function performed in Uganda and many other African cultures, to formalize and solemnise the marriage before the partners can be recognized as husband and wife, according to a research paper authored by Henry Asiimwe. The paper is titled The Changing Dynamics, Trends and Perceptions in the Bride Price Custom in Uganda and the Implications – A Feminist Perspective A Case of Banyakitra Ethnic Group in Western Uganda.
A 2011 study by Thiara and Hague that linked bride price to domestic violence and poverty in Uganda describes bride price as widely practiced validation of customary marriages in African countries. It is paid by the groom’s family to the bride’s family and it acts as a contract between the two families. Bride price involves exchange of material gifts like livestock, cash, goats, sheep depending on the particular society. However, Thiara and Hague argue that the influence of modernisation and westernisation has introduced other ‘modern’ gifts like land titles, electronics, furniture, home theatre systems, cars and other items to go hand in hand with the so called ‘traditional’ items.
President Museveni is not the first critic of the extremes that the cultural practice has taken in recent times, nor is Hilda. Bride price has previously generated debate and criticism from feminists, women’s rights activists and some politicians condemning it as an outdated practice that promotes male domination, gender inequality and one that subjects women to domination in homes. It has also been criticised for being commercialized and commoditised in recent times thus raising affordability problems and equating women to purchasable commodities.
In 2007 women’s rights activists under the MIFUMI, a women’s rights organisation in Uganda challenged the practice in the constitutional court on grounds that it violates the principle of equality of men and women in marriage and that it is discriminatory and reduces the dignity of women contrary to the provisions of the Ugandan constitution. However the petitioners could not secure the ban on bride price and thus lost the case.
The presiding judge argued that bride price could not be declared unconstitutional because different ethnic groups practiced it differently and that although some had commercialized it, others still give small affordable marriage gifts, and therefore court could not outlaw the exchange of gifts, nor could court apply a blanked abolition of a practice that is held and perceived differently by different ethnic groups and tribes. He also argued that there is no evidence to link bride price and domestic violence.
Some will argue the discomfort arising from the commercialization of marriage cannot be detached from the broader economics. Globalization – the increasing connectedness and interdependence of world cultures and economies – and by extension cultural imperialism were inevitably bound to create a situation where dominant foreign cultures would displace or marginalize local cultures.
Additionally, when Africa was forced to civilize, through the formal education system introduced by colonial administrations, it set in motion a chain of events that would influence urbanisation, emphasize university education, encourage formal employment, discourage traditional economic activity as well as encourage individualism and self-interest.
The current sentiments against bride price and marriage in general are held by Millennials and Gen Zs, two generations socially engineered to views status not as land, lineage or age but rather education, income, occupation and consumption. The meaning of success for these generations is also often linked to productivity, career advancement and personal achievement.
Higher education and women’s participation in paid work have contributed to later marriage, smaller families and more negotiated gender roles. A high cost of living, unemployment and insecure incomes are increasingly mirrored in how young Ugandans view marriage, encouraging cohabitation.
Thus, marriage is increasingly viewed not only as a cultural duty but also as a partnership requiring financial and emotional readiness.
It is not surprising that Uganda’s fertility rate significantly declined by 35 percent from 7 children per woman in 2002 to 4.5 in 2024, according to Uganda Bureau of Statistics (UBOS). The agency attributed this shift to several interrelated factors, including changing societal norms, education levels, wealth, and urban residence.
To solemnise his marriage with his current wife and mother of three, Moses Nuwagaba Kakarugahi coughed up 12 cows and Shs 4 million. The Shs 4 million was intended for what in the Banyankole culture is known as Enkwatarugo (booking fee for the girl you have liked and intend to marry).
“If you give in a cow and book the girl, no one else is supposed to take her. When time comes, and they say you bring four cows as dowry, or three, or six, or five, once you bring them, this cow that you gave earlier as a booking for the girl is either counted on the dowry, or you take it back,” Nuwagaba, 46, told PLUGGED in an interview.
The more modernity taking root, the enkwatarugo has ceased to be an actual cow and is nowadays converted into cash whose amount is at the discretion of the girl’s family. In addition, it is no longer refundable.
Today, a young man seeking a girl from traditional cattle keeping areas such as Kiruhura district will on average part with 10 cows worth of bride price. Nuwagaba says the negotiations for this price come down to a number of factors; whether the girl has had child(ren), whether the girl is separated or divorced; the age of the girl compared to the suitor; the girl’s education level; whether the girl is sickly; and whether the girl is a person with disability.
“If the lady has been already living with the man, maybe they have been cohabiting or they already have children. There, the boy’s family has an advantage because they [the girl’s family] has nothing to do about it. You are already husband and wife, so, that makes the negotiations much easier,” he says.
He holds a more nuanced opinion towards bride price. If he had a daughter and she was due for marriage, he says he would be interested in a concerted effort (by both families) to support the young couple so they have a solid foundation.
“My idea is that if a man comes up to me and approaches me for my daughter, I tell him, ‘My daughter is looking for a family. Your boy is looking for a family. Why don’t we, each get five or four or six or ten cows, we contribute? We go to the market, buy items along with the cows, then you build for your boy and we give them cows and they begin from there?”
“I don’t like bride price. One, it is a sell off. So much so that in future, when there is an altercation between this woman and her husband, the husband will always look on to it and say, ‘I bought you, I paid my cows’. Which I wouldn’t want my daughter to face.”
Contrary to the selfish interests that irk Hilda, on his part, Nuwagaba views anyone serious enough to marry his daughter as “my son”. He believes majority of the parents who demand hefty bride price wouldn’t hold the same viewpoint if roles were to flip.
Traditionalists however have a more conservative argument in favour of bride price, often pegged on cultural sustenance.
Sixty-seven-year-old Samson Agume of Rubaya sub-county, Kashari county in Mbarara district argues the ‘commercialization’ of bride price is in tandem with how economic trends have evolved overtime.
“As the world gets more civilized, this change affects everything. Back in the day, bride price used to be 2 to 4 cows. This gradually went up to 6, and then to 10. Today, people are wealthy. By the time you are asked 18 cows, usually it means you possess about 200 cattle,” says Agume, a crop and livestock farmer.
The farmer, a Baby Boomer born in 1959, admits urbanization and cultural imperialism have had a role in the changing trends concerning how marriage is perceived.
“Today, I hear about dating. A young man meets a girl. None of them knows where the other comes from. He marries her only for them to later discover that their cultures are not compatible. This is why back in the day, the two families did due diligence. This meant that you knew the mannerisms of the person you were getting involved with and it also ensured cohesion in the marriage,” he told PLUGGED.
As if to anchor his point, he shares a story of girl he knows who got married to a man from a different culture only for their first child to be “cooked and eaten” as this was their tradition. This culture shock would later force her to abandon the marriage.
He is quick to cite the downsides of not paying bride price. A woman who is married off without bride price becomes a target for mockery, he says. “Such a woman is of no value”.
“It deprives her of peace and she begins to resent marriage,” he adds.
“I understand the concerns around making bride price costly, but I am opposed to doing away with it entirely. Ten cows are fair. Culture must be respected.”
To earn his wife with whom he has been married for 43 years, he paid 8 cows. A last son and student of Senior Two at Mbarara High School at the time, he had inherited a herd of 100 cows from his aging father who had successfully convinced him to drop out of school so as to take care of both him (father) and his wealth. Agume was 24 when he married.
Out of the 8 cows he paid for his wife, 4 were returned to the couple as emihingiro (traditional marriage gifts given to a bride by her parents and family). Traditionally, he says, bride price aided in preserving the marriage out of fear that the man would collect the cows in the event of separation. However, as generations evolve these two aspects have never been starker. Economic empowerment and cultural imperialism have meant divorce is no longer the taboo it used to be.
Agume is reluctant to link bride price to domestic violence. In his opinion, some men are naturally violent and lack manners, which influences how they treat their wives regardless of how much it cost them.
Chris Davis Nsubuga-Mugga, a marriage counsellor and pastor at Worship Harvest has interacted with dozens of marrieds and points to commercialization of marriage as one of the biggest threats to the institution of marriage.
“People are not really married well. They end up eloping due to economic factors,” Nsubuga-Mugga told PLUGGED in an interview.
“The President is right. We have to put an end to this kind of thing. It is almost as if young people are being punished for falling in love. It breeds entitlement and violence in the marriage because someone feels like they bought you.”
Nsubuga-Mugga has been married for 22 years and belongs to the exceptional few that have defied norms. His father-in-law, a Munyankole, did not subscribe to the notion of bride price. He was a second generation in a lineage of fathers that did not take bride price for their daughters.
“He asked me ‘Do you love my daughter?’ I said ‘Yes’. It has been 22 years of feeling indebted,” he recollects his conversation with the father to his wife, Lynnet, whose logic was that his daughters were not up for sale.
The author of The Gold in Fathering and The Bounce Back Journey also a panelist on NTV Uganda’s magazine program NTV Men does not feel less of a man, neither has this affected how he relates with his wife.
“I value my wife.”
He borrows the Biblical analogy of the sinful woman who poured perfume on Jesus in Luke 7:36-50 and was forgiven in equal measure as she demonstrated her great love.
Referring to the effect his father-in-law’s gesture has had on his marriage, he says; “When I know someone could have asked me for 40 cows and they chose to excuse me from the burden, I eternally love him and eternally love his daughter.”
Far from what it represented decades ago, Nsubuga-Mugga feels that today, bride price is an objectification of women and demeans what marriage is supposed to be.
In an era where parents have stripped themselves of all wealth in pursuit of bequeathing their children quality education only for the latter to barely earn enough to cover basic needs, there’s enough incentive to commodify brides. Proponents of bride price argue it compensates a woman’s family for the loss of her labor. Not to mention, the critical mass where the tradition of bride price remains entrenched still view children as their insurance in old age.
As is the case with economics, when it becomes more expensive for businesses (parents) to produce goods (children), they often increase their prices. Unfortunately for those against marriage inflation, culture is a free market economy.
“In Ankole, cows are not just cultural, they are economical. If someone has three girls and he anticipates each girl to get 12 cows in bride price, those are 36 cows. To somebody who had 10 cows, 36 is a bid addition,” is how Nuwagaba puts it.
For all Agume’s four daughters whom he has already married off, the formula for determining bride price has always been based on; the daughter’s affection, his knowledge of the family of the suitor and his financial standing. The most and least he has fetched is 10 cows and 6 cows respectively.
“A young man is never poor. Things can change,” is how he sums up his measure of potential.
